Kaban ni Mulong: PAKATAWA

Sex Drive`

A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says,"Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."

"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're darned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

 

Tom's scrotum
The Best Story of the Year:

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief.The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith."The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going into surgery. as she lays there, a man in a white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she says, "doctor, am I going into surgery soon?" The man replies, "Don't ask me, lady. I'm just a painter!"

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

“What’s the matter?” he was asked.

He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be alright.”

“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”

“She wasn’t talking to me,” the man replied. “She was talking to the doctor.”

TWO MEDICAL STUDENTS AND THE OLD MAN              Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.  He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. 
  One student  said to his friend: "I'm  sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. 

Those people walk just like that."

 The other student says: "No, I don't think so.  The old man surely has Zovitzki

 Syndrome.  He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we  learned in class." 

 Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him

and one of the students said to him:  
  "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you   might have.  Could you tell us what it is?" 

 The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

 The first student said, "I think its Peltry Syndrome." 

 The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong." 

 The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

 The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong."

 So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

 The old man said, "I thought it was a Fart........ ............. But I was wrong, too!"

Black Testicles 

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his  mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure
 

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir. I'm only here to wash  your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her  embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong   with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....

A r e - m y - t e s t -  r e s u l t s -  b a ck ?'